Month: May 2020

Grieving the loss of racing

I know what you are thinking- this is a pandemic. People are getting sick. People are dying- how can you talk about grieving the loss of racing? Here’s the deal- I’m not undermining the unbelievable seriousness of the COVID 19 pandemic or the people who have gotten ill and especially not those who have lost their lives. I’m also not so short sighted to see that there are folks who have had their lives completely turned upside down, life cycle events that have been postponed and cancelled. So yes, I get it. But here’s what else I get I’m allowed to grieve too. Yes, grieve- that’s the feeling that we’ve been having about the normal parts of life that have been lost, basically ripped away from us. For example, pre-school graduation, end of the school year traditions, the fact that my kids only see their friends through a computer screen. Yes, I know it’s not High School graduation- it’s not going off to college. But it’s sad and it’s upsetting to watch as a parent.

So my point is we are entitled to grieve the loss of racing. Ask any runner who trains for a race- it’s the thrill of all the runners lining up to run. It’s hearing “on your mark, get set, go.” It’s the people along the course of the run cheering you on. It’s pushing yourself to run the very best race that you can. And it’s that moment when you cross the finish line. Win, lose or draw knowing you gave it your all! Finally, for me it’s knowing that my husband and boys are waiting for me. Proud of my no matter what time I come across the finish line.

There have always been virtual running opportunities. Once racing was cancelled for the indefinite future even more virtual opportunities sprang up every where. You know what, for the first several months they fulfilled a real need. Nearly every time I went out to run it was a virtual race. Whether it was the Un-canceled Project, Rock n Roll Virtual Series or a variety of others, I was pushing myself harder and my times continued to improve. But then the “real” race cancellations start to pile up. First it was a 4 miler with my sister, our first race together. Then it was a 10K that was supposed to be a fun course. Up next came a half marathon that also included a race for my boys the day before. 2020 was supposed to be this amazing racing year. I had carefully selected a variety of races and locations. I was training hard and it was all leading up to running the NYC Marathon, November 1, 2020.

Today is May 28, 2020. Today the Boston Marathon, that was previously postponed to September was cancelled. While this isn’t the first marathon to be cancelled. It’s the first major marathon in the United States. Am I surprised? No. I knew it was coming. Just like I know that shortly hereafter the marathons in London, Chicago and NYC will follow. But you know what, knowing something is going to happen and having it be final are different. Right now, the NYC Marathon is still on as scheduled, but in my heart I know that I will not be running in NYC on November 1st. I know that I won’t be taking part in the 50th running of the NYC Marathon, in honor of my Dad who suffers from Alzheimer’s. I also know what you are thinking. Racing isn’t cancelled forever. If it’s so important you’ll do it another year. But you know what- you’re right. I will run the NYC Marathon. It will happen. But there was just something special about this year. I turn forty in January. It was this perfect combination of 2020, 50th Anniversary and a milestone birthday.

I also know that there’s a flip side to look at this situation. I know it could be a blessing in disguise. That I could be in even better shape next year. Trust me, I’m the kind of person that believe that everything happens for a reason. But right now I’m not past the grieving stage. Right now, I’m sad for what I know is coming. Yet, I’m still in denial until it becomes official. I’m full of questions. Will I be able to defer to next year? What happens to the donations that people so generously made on my behalf? What if I’m not able to run next year? Do I start my training cycle? Do I run 26.2 on November 1st regardless? Can I really run a full marathon without the adrenaline, the fan support, the full experience?

The answer to many of these questions are beyond my control. The truth is time will tell. I also know that as long as we all stay healthy this is just a blip. But you know what else, I’m going to give myself the grace I need to be sad before I move on. So for now, I run and I wait.

Benefits of Virtual Racing

I’ve written before and feel it even more now that running is just as much a mental sport as a physical activity. The weekend of May 3, 2020 was supposed to be my third Half Marathon. I was approximately three weeks into the training cycle when the realities of COVID 19 and racing being cancelled became real. I had two decisions keep training or coast for a bit. With a plethora of virtual racing opportunities popping up all over the place pushing me to keep running, sometimes even more miles than I had been running before the training part wasn’t a problem. And honestly, running has been my release of all the pent up anxiety and stress of being home for the last two months. But the next mental hurdle I would have to circumvent was whether I could really just go out and run a Half Marathon by myself.

In the weeks leading up I didn’t fully commit to running a Half Marathon on May 2nd or 3rd. But then some additional virtual half marathons popped up that weekend. There was the Brooklyn Half Marathon and the Rock n Roll Virtual Half Marathon. It was as though all the running gods were saying “run a damn half marathon this weekend.” So that’s exactly what I did.

I set out the morning of May 2nd ready to run 13.1 miles. Knowing full well that I was physically capable as I had twice before, but wondering if I had the mental fortitude to run that distance with out the distraction of a race. I certainly didn’t set out with the idea of setting a PR (but I did) I was just going to finish and close the chapter on that race. Many runners have had to determine how they would “bless and release” or close the chapter on a particular training cycle or race. Let it go?? Run the distance? The choice is personal. I chose to run the race.

As I was leaving the house that morning. My six year old remarked “are you really going to run 13 miles all by yourself?” Running gives you lots of time to think. As I run I think about things to write here (i.e. a letter to my HS running self), think about how the world has literally changed all around us, think about whether the boys will ever go back to school and what it will look like when they do. All that thinking certainly helps the miles pass by! But guess what, 13 miles all by yourself is still a lot!!

I did something I don’t do that often during this run and I mixed up the route. Taking a road I hadn’t before. In a race, unless you’ve cancelled studied the route or have run the same race before there are some surprises along the way. My surprise was a hill I had forgotten about at about mile 6. Ugh. I chugged up the hill and shortly later I had a ding on my watch with words of encouragement from my husband. I smiled and I kept going. A few more miles and another text. My update just under five miles to go. A few more miles and then videos of the boys “go Mommy go!” All of these words of encouragement kept me smiling and going! But then came the moment of truth I came to the end of a road at mile 10 and I had two options turn left and get 13.1 turn right and go home. Not going to lie, I thought about going home. But I turned left and kept going.

What did I learn on this half marathon run? 1) I’m mentally strong enough to keep pushing when I’m not racing against others in person; 2) the support of my family pushes me along; 3) this “crazy” running adventure isn’t lost on the boys. As one of the reasons my six year old is proud of/loves me is that I can run 13.1 miles; 4) I can’t wait for racing to be back but in the mean time virtual racing keeps me going!

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I’ll never run a marathon or so I said

In February of 2019, I set out a plan to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in 2020. Along the way, I began adding more races along the way. August 2019, a twelve miler the Charles Street 12, October 2019, the Baltimore Half Marathon and some 5Ks and 10Ks along the way. During the Baltimore Half the half marathoners met up with the marathoners along the way. And all I kept thinking was I can’t imagine running a marathon.

Then I was in New York the week before the New York City marathon. The energy was palpable. I carefully studied the race route. Then I saw posts on social media and became obsessed with the marathon. I learned you could run for charity. The wheels started turning. Never say never.

A little bit of history. In 2015 my father was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s at the age of 58. Yes, 58. Alzheimer’s continues to rob my father of the prime years of his life. Taking away his ability to remember and do “normal” day to day activities that we frequently take for granted. Not only is the process difficult for him it’s painful for the entire family.

The week after the NYC Marathon I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I still can’t stop thinking about it. So I did what I always do when something is on my mind. I research the heck out of it. And I reach out to my friend Suzy, Runlift Mom to get her opinion. I knew that tackling a marathon is a whole other beast than a half marathon. There are certain things you can fudge on so to speak…i.e. nutrition, stretching, etc. for a half marathon but that is not the case for a full marathon.

I continued my research. I learned that the 2020 is the Fiftieth Anniversary of the marathon. How cool to be part of a historic run??? Again my curiosity continued. You run through all five boroughs and over five different bridges. I learned that you can secure a spot in the marathon by time qualifying (not me) or by lottery. I anticipated that with it being a historic race that the lottery entries would be high. Were they ever. Nearly 185,000 entries for 4200 spot. Wow!! But wait, remember what I said above- you can also run for charity! And you guessed it, the Alzheimer’s Association is one of those charities.

The 2019 NYC Marathon was run on November 3rd. On November 6, I emailed inquiring how I could be part of the 2020 team for the Alzheimer’s Association. Eager much?? Just a little bit. They told me that I was on their list and they would circle back around with me closer to registration. Fast forward to the end of February 2020 and it’s go time. I received the online document to complete agreeing to be part of the team and to fundraise $4000 for the Alzheimer’s Association. In doing so I’ll be part of a team, a community committed to raising fund for the Alzheimer’s Association who will run the 2020 NYC marathon. So this is why you should never say never.

The way I see it- this is the PERFECT time to run a marathon and to have it be my FIRST. See I’m already not saying it’s going to be my only. Both my kiddos will be in school full time for the first time. So it looks like I’ve found a way to fill my “free” time…lots of running!! I’m originally from NY so it’s special to run the NYC Marathon. It’s the 50th Anniversary! And I get to do it for my Dad!! How could I not??

Well, it seemed like the perfect time to train and run for a marathon when I registered on March 8, 2020. But in the weeks to follow the country has been overtaken by COVID 19. We have been home for weeks and there is really no end in sight. There is talk about a Fall resurgence. As a planner, the unknown is difficult!! But I’m going to be optimistic and keep the faith that on NOVEMBER 1, 2020 I’ll be running five boroughs and five bridges in honor of my dad!!

I look forward to documenting my journey along the way. Additionally, if you would like to join the fight to #ENDALZ by making a donation to the Alzheimer’s Association in honor of my father you can do so here: http://act.alz.org/goto/kellyblavatt

Truly no donation is too small.  Each and every contribution will help us to get one step closer to find a cure and provide support to those suffering from Alzheimer’s and their families.

Thank you in advance for your support!